Children of the Cult

Cults are those weird groups with those brainwashed people living by bizarre and often damaging rules. 

The saddest thing is, of course, the children. They're raised within the cult and often never know that any other way is possible.

A cult:

• is a group whose beliefs or practices are abnormal or bizarre    
• is a group that tends to manipulate, exploit, and control its members
• recruits people who suffer from a some variety of deprivation.
• promotes a belief system which is utopian/idealistic, and also dualistic and bi-polar in nature. Dualistic in that they see the world in terms of two opposite poles, such as good versus evil, the saved and the fallen, the enlightened and the ignorant, etc.
• is at high risk of becoming abusive to members - in part due to members' adulation of charismatic leaders contributing to the leaders becoming corrupted by power.
• is a group or movement exhibiting a devotion to some person, idea or thing and employing unethically manipulative techniques of persuasion and control designed to advance the goals of the group's leaders to the actual detriment of members, their families, or the community.

Meet the most successful cult ever

This cult's idea is the pursuit of more money - the cult of capitalism. And you're probably a child of the cult.
"Unlike other cults that are considered outside the norm, it has claimed center stage, and its propaganda appears to be unquestioned reality."

Living in the cult

Mostly, people

• hope to live in spaces with more than one room for each person. Social skills degenerate from isolation.
• cannot afford these large spaces - they spend their entire lives working off debt to live there.
• spend their days at tasks unrelated to anything or anyone they love
• do not know the people living around them
• live near so many other people they can't make meaningful connections
• buy objects (increasing debt) trying to replace connections with people

Power in the cult

Positions of power:

• are held by very few people
• cost enormous amounts of money to achieve - creating bias and corruption
• provide the illusion of democracy while real control is held by the companies providing money

Information in the cult

Most information:

• is controlled by a few large worldwide companies
• is propaganda to perpetuate the beliefs of the cult
• is presented as quickly and simply as possible, even when important meaning is lost
• avoids any positive reference to lifestyles contradicting the cult

Communication in the cult

Mostly, people communicate

• without even seeing each other
• using machines for very quick and short messages with little content
• badly, generating much confusion and ill feeling

Leisure time in the cult

Most entertainment

•  involves buying something
•  is enjoyed alone and is physically inactive (TV, computer games...)
•  includes propaganda for the cult

Food in the cult

Mostly, people...

• cannot and don't know how to provide their own food
• never eat any truly fresh food
• do not know where their food comes from
• do not cook much
• eat lots of foods which have been processed so much that very little nutrition remains
• eat lots of foods from animals who have been horribly abused their whole lives before being killed.

The cult invests in propaganda and promotes denial about food to protect profits.

Physical health in the cult
It's risky in here...

• Heart disease is the leading cause of death
• At least half of all people are overweight
• The next generation is expected to have a shorter lifespan
• The healthcare industry is a huge financial presence. Healthcare spending is increasing faster than society can create value

Mental health in the cult

Cults foster mental disorders.

Cults promote a vision of an ideal 'new self', which members believe they can attain by following the cult teachings.

The capitalist ideal new self is a wealthy person. The reality is that few can become wealthy. Many who fail to become wealthy blame themselves or other people.

Depression, violent crime, and suicide are skyrocketing.

Families in the cult

Most mothers and fathers pay someone else to care for their young children while they spend their day earning money (and generating money for an employer).

Mothers and fathers who care for their own children instead of earning money are low status and often ridiculed.

Most mothers

• although healthy mammals, give birth in hospitals and feed their babies with inferior artificial food they have to buy.
• are told by experts that they should separate themselves from their babies for everyone's sake.
• are isolated from their family and community
• suffer guilt, confusion, and depression about caring for their babies

Most children

• are in institutional care for most of their day instead of socialising with neighbours.
• Are regularly entertained by electronic devices instead of people
• Cannot concentrate on simpler entertainment
• Are more ignorant about the world than the previous generation

(Add your own section here)

I could continue...but so can you.

Escaping a cult

I've seen movies of people rescued from cults. They look stunned and a bit scared, coming out to freedom and the bigger world around them.

They have lots to learn.

Are you ready?

More Reading

• Obama on the profit motive
• Jimmy Carter's speech on consumption
• Capitalism and alienation
• Capitalism as a purely cultic religion
  

6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps

Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.

 I breastfed our son, on cue, day and night, from the day after his birth.  (You can read about the unpleasantly exciting birth in my previous Carnival post.

From the start, I stopped everything and responded to his every cue for milk. At one stage, I figured out that he'd figured out that I stopped everything and responded to his every cue for milk. 

When he started signing for milk when he didn't want milk but just wanted me to stop everything, I had to laugh and learn to respond to that a bit differently.

With our son, I learned at La Leche League that breastfeeding is far and away, bar none, no contest, baby, the best and easiest way to ease a growing child's journey through our rough, tough world.

Recipe

1. Take one sad or mad child
2. Fold closely in mother's arms
3. Apply gently to breast
4. Hold until fully done 
5. Repeat as desired
   

Result

• A happier, calmer, more grownup child

Magic like that is worth holding onto.

Weaning process - Step 1: Nature's weaning

So it was all "milk and who cares about honey because hey, there's milk" for the first two years of our son's life.  My pregnancy with our daughter was his first real experience of weaning - he was a few months past two when he noticed:

1. There was less milk
2. It tasted funny
3. Mummy said, "Ouch, time to stop!"

Reportedly, many children fully wean during a pregnancy, but our son simply adapted to all the changes.  Long breastfeeding sessions were too painful for me, but two-year-olds don't have a great need to breastfeed for long either.  He accepted the limitations, learned some manners, and we both just kept on bonding.

Weaning process - Step 2: Night weaning

I knew that I would be too tired with one newborn to also respond to our son at night.  Our son did not like sleeping by himself in a separate room, and he was a frequent waker.  (I moved him from my room due to my hyperalertness from PTSD, and I still can't help wishing it could have been different.)

We had already reached the stage where the breastfeeding response at night was very brief. Now we began Daddy Duty - when our son awoke lonely at night, he was comforted to sleep again by Daddy instead of me.

While our son did not embrace the change with joy, at the age of two he was able to accept it - the level of distress was manageable between him and Daddy.

Weaning process - Step 3: Bedtime

I knew there could be times when the new baby would need me at bedtime.  While our son could go back to sleep during the night with Daddy, I still always breastfed him to sleep at bedtime. I needed to go off duty.

This was probably the roughest toughest weaning we did.  One evening, I breastfed him (now 2y 9m) and then went to visit my sister's house - and only came back when Daddy told me he was now asleep.  It was pretty late.

But I knew he had Daddy with him.  And I knew he was not 3 months old, or 6 months old, but not far off three years old, with years of my love and strength behind him, the communication skills to express his emotions, and the knowledge of other means of comfort.

This isn't to say I never responded to our son at night or fed him to sleep again because of his new sister. But now he and I both knew he could do this without me.

Weaning process - Step 4: New sister

I was again in the hospital for an emergency surgical birth of our second child, so our son had to do without me for a few days. It was brilliant having him visit in those early days of milk engorgement - a newborn hardly makes a dent but a 3 year old?  Bring it on!

Word of warning

It may be that our son broke my waters early because I did not insist that the bouncy boy be super careful with my pregnant body during morning feeding sessions. Undercooked babies are often extra hard work, and if there's any chance that this warning could help someone else, it will be worth it.

He generally understood the new rule of Baby Goes First: he still got to breastfeed but the baby needed milk more as that was her only food.

Sometimes I actually tandem fed - both at once - but it was physically uncomfortable to hold those positions.  And usually at least one of them was wiggly enough to make me nervous about going two directions at once. So normally, he just learned to wait his turn.

Weaning process - Step 5: Life

Age 3, age 4, age 5, still awaiting his short turn at the breast in the morning. Sometimes patiently. Often he would get a short nighttime feed on one side before I took his sister for the long feed to sleep. 

But there were sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's or with school friends. He didn't miss me when I wasn't there.

And then he would get up and be more interested in a joke book than whether he got his turn.

And not long after he turned 6, he often complained he couldn't get very much.  With his sister (3) feeding only a few times a day now, I'm sure the leftovers were pretty low.  I told him that it was because he didn't need it very much anymore. I mentioned how lucky he was, and that probably none of his friends had gotten milk for this long.

Soon after that, I asked him if he was OK with not having milk anymore.  No problem.

Was it hard for me to stop after all these years? Well, he was getting pretty big and developing a real big kid attitude.  It was always very quick and even starting to feel not quite right anymore. It really was time.

He has a couple of times wistfully said he wishes he could still have milk. He still loves to get lap time, whenever we can and especially when his sister is getting her short feeds.

Perfect.

Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):

(This list will be live amind updated by afternoon May 21 with all the carnival links.)

• On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.
• two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.
• Wean Me Gently — Tam at Please Send Parenting Books shares a beautiful weaning ceremony.
• You say potato, I say bleeeuuuuch... — Anelie at Mindcradle had read the books and knew just how to introduce her baby son to solids—unfortunately, he had other ideas.
• A Post Called Weaning — (Not) Maud at Awfully Chipper writes about how weaning her son took longer than she expected.
• On Weaning, Pregnancy and Emotion — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about her mixed emotions as she allows her son, Little Man, to guide her through his weaning process.
• half of her life — Staci at Springpatch Jam looks back on her nursing relationship with her first born.
• Is it just this After Forty Mom or is it harder to wean when its your last? — Amanda of After Forty Mom shares her emotional journey towards the impending self-weaning of her toddler daughter.
• Nursing Limits — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how she has weaned her toddler down to minimal nursing and her guilt about the decision to do so.
• Weaning Video Series #1: Preparation for the Weaning Process — Why is weaning such a taboo topic? Dionna at Code Name: Mama got mamas from across the blogosphere to start talking about weaning - on video. Come check out the first video in a series of five that she'll be posting this week.
• Weaning due to anxiety — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how she had to wean to preserve her mental health.
• When Will I Wean? A Guest Post — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama hosts a guest post from a mama who contemplates when her breastfeeding relationship will end.
• On His Own Terms — Momeeezen shares her heartbreak from when her son weaned much earlier than she anticipated.
• Our Weaning Story - Sudden, Surprised, and Embracing a New Season — Weaning doesn't always go how we imagine. That Mama Gretchen shares the story of her daughter's sudden weaning and how she has embraced this new season of motherhood.
• A Tale of Two Weanings — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the similarities and differences of how her nursing relationships with her now six-year-old and four-year-old daughters came to a close.
• She Doesn't Remember — Alicia at Lactation Narration finds that her 6 year old no longer remembers nursing, only one year after weaning.
• It's The End of the World As We Know It — A story about the end of a tandem nursing relationship on Never Mind The Rain: A toddler moves on to a new phase in her life before mom is fully ready.
• A Natural End To Our Breastfeeding Relationship — With two self-weaning children, Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots does not know when the end will come, but that it will be natural and without regrets.
• Child-Led weaning: It's Not Extreme; It's Biological — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children explains why child-led weaning is based on biology rather than social constraints.
• 6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps — Jess at miniMum shares how and why she let her first child stop when he was good and ready.

• Is This Weaning?: A Tandem Nursing Update — Sheila at A Living Family bares all her tandem nursing hopes and fears during what feels like the beginning of the end for her toddler nursing relationship.
• Memories of Weaning: Unique and Gentle — Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares her weaning experiences with her two sons, each one unique in how it happened and yet equally gentle in its approach.
• Weaning Aversion' — Gentle Mama Moon shares her experience of nursing and unplanned weaning due to pregnancy-induced 'feeding aversion'.
• Three Months Post-Mup: An Evolution of Thoughts On Weaning — cd at FidgetFace describes a brief look at her planned (but accelerated) weaning, as well as one mamma's evolution on weaning (and extended nursing)
• Weaning my Tandem Nursed Toddler — After tandem nursing for a year, Melissa at Permission to Live felt like weaning her older child would be impossible, but now she shares how gentle weaning worked for her 2 1/2 year old.
• Every Journey Begins with One Step — As Hannabert begins the weaning process, Hannah at Hannah and Horn's super power is diminishing.
• Reflections on Weaning - Love Changes Form — Amy from Presence Parenting (guest posting at Dulce de Leche) shares her experience and approach of embracing weaning as a continual process in parenting, not just breastfeeding.
• Weaning Gently: Three Special Ideas for Success — MudpieMama shares three ideas that help make weaning a gentle and special journey.
• Guest Post: Carnival of Weaning — Emily shares her first weaning experience and her hopes for her second nursling in a guest post on Farmer's Daughter.
• 12 Tips for Gentle Weaning — Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting describes the process of gentle weaning and gives specific tips to make weaning an organic, joyful ripening.
• Quiz: Should You Wean for Fertility Treatments? — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries talks about the key issues in the difficult decision to wean for infertility treatments.
• I thought about weaning... — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her story of how she thought about weaning several times, yet it still happened on its own timeline.
• Celebrating Weaning — Amy at Anktangle reflects on her thoughts and feelings about weaning, and she shares a quick tutorial for one of the ways she celebrated this transition with her son: through a story book with photographs!
• Naturally Weaning Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses the gradual path to weaning she has taken with her preschool-aged twins.
• Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes about knowing when your child is not ready to wean and taking their feelings into account in the process.
• Weaning, UnWeaning, and ReWeaning — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy discovers non-mutal weaning doesn't have to be the end. You can have a do-over.
• Prelude to weaning — Lauren at Hobo Mama talks about a tough tandem nursing period and what path she would like to encourage her older nursling to take.
• Demands of a Nursing Kind — Amy Willa at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares her conflicted feelings about nursing limits and explores different ways to achieve comfort, peace, and bodily integrity as a nursing mother.
• Breastfeeding: If there's one thing I know for sure... — Wendy at ABCs and Garden Peas explores the question: How do you know when it's time to wean?
• Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Two, Three? — Zoie at TouchstoneZ discusses going from 3 nurslings down to 1 and what might happen when her twins arrive.

6 Cosleeping Rules - Simple safety and beyond

The boys get some rest.

I highly recommend co-sleeping to any parent expecting a new baby.

It's not the best publicised option, but it's the most common family arrangement worldwide with huge benefits.  The risks are quite frankly and irresponsibly exaggerated.

Co-sleeping is one facet of attachment parenting - a wide-ranging philosophy questioning the current Western custom of separating children from adults as quickly as possible.

It starts from the race to cut that pesky umbilical cord and gallops madly off in all directions from there.

So what do you need to know?  Start with basic safety, but there's more to learn from those in the know...

6.  Make room

The more room you all to sleep on, the more comfortable everyone will be.  Once past baby stage, small children move very easily in their sleep and can and will roll all around the bed. 

Like cats, children are also likely to snuggle up to your warmth no matter how much cold bed is available.  Or they may lie sideways or head down.  Some real estate on our bed is already taken up with pillows and rolled up blankets to protect against bumps into a cold wall at night.

We have a king-sized bed which first had an open-sided cot, and now has a double next to it.  We don't always need all that room, but...

5.  Stay safe

As your children get larger, they move even more!  And harder!  Adults move a bit when asleep but with smaller bodies, kids' involuntary sleep twitches can send arms and legs hammering out at startling speeds and angles.

So if you have little feet in your face - get some distance between you.  See The Dangers of Cosleeping.

4.  Dress for the occasion

To get the full benefit from co-sleeping and breastfeeding, your nightwear needs to button down or lift up so easily you can do it while barely awake.

You may also need to bring extra blankies to bed when you are co-sleeping with your child, especially when breastfeeding. 

The recommended level for the covers is at your child's chest.  If your child falls asleep after a lying down feed, your child's chest is no higher than your rib cage.  If you are not lucky enough to have central heating, your top half is going to be pretty chilly, and those nice warm knitted blankies you got from Auntie Selma will be very welcome for covering your shoulders when you can't bring yourself to disturb a sleeping child by wrestling for covers.

3.  Co-sleeping vs other fun stuff

Once you have some energy, you and your partner will need to find somewhere else for getting into the sort of trouble that led you here in the first place.  Give some thought to your own comfort!

2.  Cozy chats

If your little buddy starts talking to you at night, you probably don't have to talk back.  A dream conversation (no matter how intriguing) usually just requires a reassurance and a pat back to deeper sleep.

When she starts fighting with her brother in her sleep, feel free to use a timeout.

1.  Enjoy it

This is positively rule #1.  These are such precious hours bonding with your growing child, and that is never wasted.

Watching Nadia wake up and her first smile of the day, the sillies and the giggles and the little traditions we share only with each other... the only thing to regret is having been unable to do this very long with Alex.

Good night!

Tradition! Breastfeeding, fathers, and families

Sir Elton John's new baby Zachary is being fed mother's milk - expressed and sent via plane!

As a vegan parent, breastfeeding advocate, and environmentalist, I feel like Reb Tevye who wrestles with tradition against personal choices within his traditional family of wife and many daughters in Fiddler on the Roof:

"On the other hand...but on the other hand...." and "You are right...you are also right..."

Before reading the whole article, I thought, "Wonderful that the baby is getting breastmilk and not formula.  But it is flown overseas?  How wasteful!  Why not get milk from a local mum?"

On the other hand....
Then I read the article: it is Zachary's own mother, the surrogate, who is expressing the milk.  Still very wasteful of the earth's resources, but much better for Zachary.  And still very cool to get the breastfeeding exposure from articles like this.  Go Elton!

But on the other hand...
Even better for Zachary would be the surrogate mother being a wet nurse in person, but presumably that would make more of a connection between baby and mother than has been arranged.  What a shame little Zachary won't know his mother better.

You are right!
This is not an ideal nuclear family.  Sir Elton is 63 and his partner David is male. Many people have expressed their discomfort with a child having such parents.

Also clear is the discomfort at rich Sir Elton and his partner who can buy a child - they would probably be rejected as adoptive parents as more suitable couples would take priority.  Many of these suitable couples will never get the child they hope for.

You are also right!
Yes, the situation is totally wacko from any normal perspective.  But in the real wacko world (not that idealised normal one):

• children get raised by grandparents
• children get raised by only one parent
• children get raised by unstable parents
• children get raised by parents who can't afford them
• children get fed artificial milk even when their mothers could breastfeed them
• surrogacy already exists
• the rich get to do pretty much anything they feel like with their money

In this context, Elton and his partner David hardly seem an automatic disaster scenario for a child.  And neither is this a dreadful way to use their essentially unlimited amount of money, compared to what other super-rich people have done.

What do you think?
Is there another hand?

This post is dedicated to all the lovely Dads I know, especially, of course, my own Dad as well as the amazing father to our own children.  L'Chaim!

I found the BEFORE pictures!

Just like on the infomercial, I'm really excited about this!  Because some of my biggest work happened in our downstairs area before I started on this blog and now I get to show it off...

If it can be called showing off to display how horrendous things were before.  

• Believe it or not, I took these pictures to show this area to an organiser for student host families.  Do I blame her for refusing us?  Why was she even polite?  In my defense, had anything come of it, I would have made exactly these improvements.  The real hangup was the lack of a wall and door enclosure to the bed area.  If anyone knows an easy way to ventilate a room surrounded by concrete wall and ground, post now!

All right (deep breath).  Here we go.

That's not too horrible, for a downstairs area...after all, we have had guests here on a regular basis.

And in fact, the after shot isn't a huge improvement.  Lots has changed but it's not much less crowded.  Gotta love the new mirror - bargain ex-dresser mirror from our local charity shop and installed by handy dandy DH!  And the actual working desk area.


















So, in our before shot across from that futon bed.....things are getting worse!







Well, you have to tidy extra furniture somewhere...right?  Right?  Of course you do.


And now?  This is so great...we discovered there was a wall back there.  To help convince you this really is the same space, on the far left of both, you can see the edge of our large food storage pantry.  That sucker ain't movin'!

















The dresser behind SuperTorchMan there and the hamper on top are empty!  And the tall brown cupboard is now completely hidden behind the big pantry when you walk into the room - same storage area, less visual clutter.

Now, for Super Uber before picture of the rest of the downstairs area (ooooh, I can't look, it's too scary)!

Did I say the downstairs area?  Sorry, I meant the disaster area.  I'm so glad I have an after shot coming... 

What a difference! It's like day and night!  OK, it is day and night, but that's not important right now.  We have rediscovered the floor...and walls...and bits that restore the roomy quality of the room, while losing that je ne sais quoi, junk pile decor we had going before. 

Of course, I got rid of loads of stuff during this transformation.  but I also did some thinking.  We had cleared the space for the desk (invisibly holding up towers of boxes in disaster shot) to go across from the bed and be a desk. Then I clicked:  perhaps it's not the best feng shui to build my Great Wall of Boxes or even the new Lesser Wall of Boxes in direct line of sight of the door to this room...which is also the first room on view when visitors enter the lobby of our house.  I couldn't hurry them up the stairs before they saw our shame.

Now Wall of Boxes is invisible unless you step into the room - which most visitors won't.  They do see the kiddy art tables in artful disarray most of the time, but at least that's now against the wall instead of halfway across the floor.

The amazing thing is, I didn't really think we had a major problem before I started on it.  Even though it wasn't really out of sight, I had put it out of my mind because we have a sizeable house and this isn't our living space.  But the feeling of accomplishment?  Priceless...

What about you - any hidey holes in your sanctum of peace that you're pretending don't exist?

Yo-yo day again!

 The last yo-yo is ready for donation and I'm brainstorming ideas for actually using the matched cup and saucer set...

You know the drill - vote on what I should do with this next yo-yo...

This feisty dragon lady was a gift from my mother.  In her previous home on a windowsill she fell victim to my underestimation of my son's climbing abilities.

She's missing a head spike and her tail needs reattaching.  She has a great expression, but I can't decide whether I want to display a broken piece.


It's up to you....

1. Fix and keep
2. Fix and donate
3. Send to dragon happy hunting ground...
4. ?

I also have some really good news!

Look!  Isn't it beautiful?  Sigh....

What do you mean?  Can't you see?  There's no cube shelf there anymore!  Hooray!

And many thanks to DH for his assistance in both phases of this operation.  Mwah, mwah!

Even less housework

If the kitchen is king of housework, the laundry is the constant, nagging queen.   How do we keep our royal couple from getting too big for their britches?   Because although we do have a regular flow of laundry, we do escape the dreaded laundry mountains that I do hear tell...

Re-use! 
My kids are messy but not very smelly yet (with obvious exceptions).  If their meals missed their clothes and the bark from the park shook itself off, fold that darling little bundle back into a drawer to fight another day.  Yes, I can do this with some of my clothes too - using a few of my common senses. Absolutely, positively, put clothes for rewearing back with clean clothes because that's the point.  They're clean enough, and I don't want my furniture or floor wearing my clothes.  

• The clothes examination happens at the end of the day when the light is dim - every once in a while I discover my mistake in the morning light.  Oops!

Of course I don't do this with underwear or smelly clothes except for my exercise clothes.  My exercise routine is such that only I could possibly be bothered by them.  More on my minimal exercise routine later, and apologies if anyone finds this icky.  But I'm clean after my shower, I promise.

Drying?  (Hanging up, of course!)

Put it where the sun does shine!  Especially in winter, our yard surrounded by lovely trees gets very little sun.  If you should spot some sun, note also the small sad empty socket where the previous owners removed the clothesline.  (They left the trampoline, so why quibble?)  There's another sizeable frame line - underneath the deck, where only the feeblest of filtered rays venture.  So we started drying all clothes indoors one winter and just kept going.  We are as lucky with our indoor space as we are unlucky outdoors, and I don't have to take heavy baskets in and out.  I certainly don't miss the "peg it up, take it down, is it going to rain?" game I've lost countless times.

A plastic airer lives permanently in the dining room for the small and short clothes.  Uncool?  Very, as it has direct sun most of the day and the airer can be trundled to follow it if necessary.
You can see it in full use in this pic. 

While our table looks darned good here, I'm pleased to report that it isn't usually much worse than this, clutterwise.  (Stickiness?  That's another story.)  This is one successful example of "make it clear and keep it clear" and I enjoy having a clear table enough to chase off stragglers!  Like the kitchen zoning, I like being able to use it for dining without having to clear away everything else first.  Obviously the airer spoils the minimalist look, but so far no visitors have reacted visibly.  And I was heartened to glance up at a neighbour's east-facing window and spot another laundry airer basking in the beams.


Another funny little storage room houses our Victorian airer for the grownup clothes.  We bought this on special for about $90 from Early Settler and I don't care how you estimate your dryer costs, this baby has paid for itself long since.  (Unlike our other babies :-)  And one line strung by DH in the laundry room does well for sheets and towels that aren't needed urgently.  Those that are needed may end up over chairs on the deck on a day with any hint of sun.

We run laundry at bedtime: DH hangs them to dry - one of his many valuable contributions.  I (and my short team) put them away when dry. Most go on hangers (and some can go straight to the closet that way) and we don't need to use clothes pegs as it's not very gusty in the house.  I even try to load dry clothes into the basket roughly split into piles for their destination rooms.

We do have a dryer for emergencies, but almost never use it.  I last used it to try to shrink some comfy elastane trousers that are too big.  I have to try again, carefully.  Usually the advice is aimed at not shrinking clothes, so I'm fully experimental here.

Dressing direct
Like most people, we reuse the same favourite clothes in a cycle of a few days.  So they're often still drying when we look to wear them again.  It makes perfect sense to dress from these clothes, dry but still hanging about, instead of getting more clothes out of the closet to wear and also having to put the clothes we really wanted back in the closet (to be taken out again later...)

Try doing that when your laundry's hung outside!

I've read the opinion (might have been FlyLady, whom I do enjoy) that this is just not on.  Your laundry isn't done until it's put away.  That is true, but some things around our house just do not get done.  I accept that and I'm saving myself work, so I win!

Full but not fully full
When your drawers and closets have more than they can hold, you're making more work for yourself and often more laundry.  It's harder to put away laundry (especially if you're enlisting short help) and things can often fall out!  It's worth your time to sort for those clothes that are really doing their duty, and re-house the rest as appropriate.  Seasonal storage, donations, online auctions...

I'm very pleased!  Although I bought some gorgeous new clothes for my gorgeous growing girl, I immediately took unnecessary clothes out of the drawers to make room.  Also: spending more on girls than boys largely due to fashion - has this happened to you?

Out of the closet

I'm about to do a terrible horrible no good very bad thing to my husband, who doesn't really deserve it.  After all, he could do lots more decluttering if I didn't demand that he take the children out of my sight for extended periods of time during the weekend.  And he does do very well at shedding things when he gets a chance. And if he didn't love computers and electronic bits and bobs and whoosits, his earning power could be greatly diminished...and with our goal of my staying home with kids, I can't have it both ways...

So honey, this really isn't extremely public nagging.  Consider it....the ultimate before shot! 

Because I sometimes imagine what our house would be like if our closets didn't look like this...

and this...
























and don't forget the sauna...

and these aren't even in a closet...

I'm very suspicious of these boxes in the garage because I don't know what's in them and they're too high for me to get to easily...

No doubt about it; some of those boxes have my stuff in them.  But I can't wade through the rest to find them unless I'm aching for my daily workout.  As for the rest, I just don't know what's in them.  I mean, I've looked inside and I still don't know what's in them.  Of course, anything I don't understand isn't important, so I could dump it all.  But I know better.  Close family members fight their own "You never use this!" vs "You never asked me before you got rid of this!" wars, and I've innocently caused too many tightened lips mentioning this or that object, now MIA.

OK, so instead of this silicon jumble, how many small families could we house?  But seriously, I would love to have enough space to make some passive income boarding a foreign student (harking back to my goal of staying home with the children as long as desired).  Empty space...hellooooo empty SPACE...I know you're there somewhere....

Perhaps I should run a fundraising raffle - 1st prize to the closest guess (to the month) for sorting through the last computer bits box...  On second thought, let's get real.  There are boxes filling up even while others are emptying.  How about a prize for guessing the oldest computer in the house?  Family members may not participate.

Any and all advice welcome!  Do you and your partner struggle with different "stuff" personalities?  What about greatest loves collections and serious hobbies?

Minimalist around the house, or you be good to Mama, and she'll be good to you!

Above all else, the way to minimise your housework is....

...don't be the only sad sap in the house doing it.

Seriously.  The days when Mum dutifully dashed after everyone in the house who puddled piles of mess behind them are so over.  And about time.  Certainly, since my job is at home with the children, the bulk of the work falls to me.  But it will do no harm and the world of good for the other members of the house, so drag them away from the TV to do their share! 

They will learn

1. valuable skills that serve them in later life (that includes DH, by the way) - please don't raise tomorrow's useless flatmate or partner
2. how much effort it is to clean up and therefore gain some consciousness about making the mess
3. that it isn't respectful for everybody in the house to be relaxing while Mum keeps on going and going and going and going....

 Suggestions for real littlies to get them in the habit

• Setting and clearing the table - even tinies can carry an empty plastic cup or sauce bottle or some cutlery -  graduate them as appropriate.  They can even "wash" the table.
• Doing laundry - handing me dirty clothes to put in the tub, help pouring soap, pushing the start button on the machine, removing small dry things from low bars on an airer, putting clothes in the basket, handing me clothes from the basket to put in drawers or even putting clothes in drawers
• Cooking - I can have kids up on chairs while I do dangerous things like cutting, and they can put pieces in cookware and push some buttons on the microwave
• Tidying their own toys, putting things in the rubbish...

I seek and seize opportunities to show the family that everybody contributes.  Naturally, each individual chore would get done more quickly and better if I did it myself.  But that's not a winning longterm strategy for anybody, particularly me.  If I always have to do all of those individual chores, it adds up to more time than I want to spend.

Often kids will have lots of fun joining in.  And sometimes not.  Wait for a natural break in their other activities, and if necessary, use the resumption of that activity (or something else) as motivation to get the job done.  When there are major dramatics, I remind myself that I am not asking them to walk long distances to the river to beat clothes against rocks, or pump their own water from village wells and carry the bottles back strapped to their foreheads.  And I persist until I get some measure of cooperation.

You won't be surprised to hear that I don't believe in the tidy-up fairy - and that I don't want my kids to either.  (The untidy fairies?  Of course they exist!)  So even when I don't enjoy the mess, I try not to spend my precious after-kid-bedtime tidying up their toys if we haven't managed to do it earlier.  Past a certain age, it's counterproductive to let them experience making a playful mess, and then another, and then another, and then make that mess magically disappear without any of their participation.  

Husbands are even less likely to get excited about household chores.  But if we agree on even one helpful task that he doesn't hate to do, we''ll all be better off.  And many husbands, including my DH, will do quite a lot if asked politely.  And will do even more if yelled at, but it's better to save that for emergencies.

Next, I'll write about specific things I do to minimise different types of housework around our house.

How do you get your family involved in the house business?