Why your work is never done - it's just physics

Does it seem like no matter how hard you work to clean the house and feed everyone, it's always time to do it all over again? You're not imagining things.

You could blame the kids. Those little agents of chaos certainly mess up what you've tidied, devour what you've prepared, leave more mess than their entire body weight... But you're fighting a much bigger battle.

You cannot defy the laws of physics!

There's actually a physical law for mess. The second law of thermodynamics says the entropy (disorder) of the universe must always increase.

So the dirt is trying to take over your house. The toys on the shelves are trying to scramble themselves. The marbles simply love to roll to every corner of the room. And everything, absolutely everything wants to fall to the floor.

But humans are a complex species - we need order to exist. The only real work is our constant fight for that spot of order against this messy universe. And naturally, that is never done. Even while you are cleaning, more dust is settling.

Why bother?

You decide. Here are some abandoned houses, where nobody does what you do.

Photographer: Nathan Ross

See how important you are? You stand each day between your beloved home and natural disasters like these.

Even feeding everybody is part of the battle against impending chaos - as our bodies need fuel to renew the cells that are constantly dying. Creepy, but true. And you even have to prepare the food while it's still fresh - if you don't pay attention, the food wanders to the back of the refrigerator and forms a chaos puddle.

Thankless tasks

• Cleaning
• Organising
• Growing, gathering, and preparing food
• Teaching
• Healing
• ...

The payoff for these is not in completion, but in progress.

Work that can be defined with a beginning, middle, and end, with precise goals to be accomplished and therefore visibly finished and celebrated, is generally a modern invention with very little impact on the real world.

Woman's work?

"A man may work from sun til sun, but a woman's work is never done." This is not because men don't do real work. (No, really, they do.) But in traditional roles, women live in their workplace, and we are constantly faced with the undone work. Men's undone work is usually offsite.

What to do?

We can reduce our own chaos by reducing our belongings. But peace comes with the acceptance that undone work is universal. Literally.

And if anyone hassles you about the state of your house, you can now tell them about entropy and the second law of thermodynamics. They will never bother you again.

Getting away from it all, or the Hotel Effect

My kids will, out of the blue, ask if we can stay in a hotel.  This is unrelated to how close to home we may be.

And often, I wish I could say yes.

Why?

With a better than average home, with all the comforts of home, why oh why would we want to stay in a hotel?  We only choose the budget ones anyway, so what's so special?

Well, what do you see when you open a hotel room door?  No problems!

Uncluttered - mostly, you just see furniture.  Invitingly made beds, clear tables, tidy sink spaces....  You can only clutter it with what you've brought, and you left most of your stuff at home.  You probably brought so little you can pack it all in less than 1/2 hour - compare that to your last house move.  Yes.  I know.

Clean - someone else cleaned this already.  It's so uncluttered that it probably didn't take long.  If you have to wash dishes, there aren't many supplied anyway - about enough for one family meal. 

Cosy - Those dishes?  You can wash them a couple of steps away from the dining table, while still chatting to the slower eaters.

Easy!

Most of us don't want to live in a hotel all the time, although I am in love with tiny houses and The Everyday Minimalist did spend some time this way.  Most of us would eventually miss something that we can only find at home - and that might simply be space and privacy.

But we can get some of the goodness of hotel living in our own homes.

Declutter!

You can't say too much about decluttering, and most of it's been said before.  Having only what you really need is the key to sanity and cleanliness in the home.

Here's just a start on decluttering tips:

• Should it stay or....?
• Outsmarting your inner hoarder
• Zen Habit's tips and more Zen Habit's tips
• Down with clutter
• And almost anything at 365 Less Things 

Work on your entrance

You won't get the "ahhhhhh" factor if you open your door into chaos.  Try it for yourself - step outside and do a grand entrance and really look!

• What's there that doesn't need to be?
• What's messy that could be organised?
• What's visible that could be hidden? 

Retreat!

After you've made a perfect entrance, choose one other space in the house to keep as your "hotel away from home."

If you can't keep the entire house sane, make sure you have this one retreat where you can relax and unwind.

And if you sell enough of your unwanted stuff, maybe you can hire a cleaner for your "hotel"!

You gotta have dreams...

Have your say...

What are your favourite tricks to make your house look professionally fabulous?

7 Minimalist Parenting Tips

Christmas comes early at our house!

Parenting is hard work.  Here are a few ideas to make it easier.

Do they always work?  Hey, they're tips, not miracles!  But these are pretty amazing considering you will be doing less.

1. One Word 

Kids don’t listen to long lectures, or even mini-lectures.  Not when they’re old enough to pretend they are, nor when they’re old enough to stop pretending.

Once you have their attention, remind them in a word:  “Dishes!”  “Towel!”  “Pyjamas!”

In context, this means as much to them as your five minute version.

Result?

• Less energy
• Less yelling and fewer unkind words
• Less "tune-out” training for your kids

2. Wise Whys 

A “Why?” marathon can wear out the most seasoned parent.  Your answers never satisfy.
Guess what? Your child loves to talk to you and has found the easiest way to keep you talking.
When you are tired out, make it their turn.  

“Why?” 

“What do you think?”

The answer may be a delight.  Other times it breaks their rhythm and leads the game to a natural end.  In any case, it gives you a break.

This also works when your child is asking “silly questions” she already knows the answer to.  Use it even when she may not already know the answer.  Thinking is good brain exercise!

3. Help Less

Babies are helpless, but not for long.  If your child can drag a stool over to a cupboard and raid sweets from a top shelf and argue why he needed them, he’s a pretty capable person!

What could a young child do in your house that you are in the habit of doing because you once had a baby?

• Get their own clothes from a drawer and put them on?       
• Set and clear the table?        
• Feed pets?
• Pack a schoolbag?

Love them more and more as they grow; and help them more by helping them less. 

4. Yes 

Kids aren’t adults and they don’t have our years of experience.  They haven’t learned the whole list of things they’re not supposed to do.  One of my top posts talks more about this.

So they will ask to do odd things.  (Often they don’t even ask.)  You will want to say “No.”  Think twice.  Kids hear “No” all day.  How does it feel when you are told “No”? 

There are times the answer must be “No.”  Is this really one of them?  Would a “Yes” and some help be even better?  Spend your “Nos” as wisely as your money.

My children are playing with the Christmas tree as I write this…in August.

5. Just for Fun 

There is always work to be done.  How much better if it’s fun?

Instead of trying to get the kids out of the way while you get jobs done, see which jobs can be done together. 

The job may not be done quicker.  But when it is done, everyone has:

• learned something
• done something
• shared time together

Compare this to the kids watching a DVD while you race to the finish…then collapse when they are ready to spend time with you!

6. Listen

Shhh....

Just listen.

Don’t solve.

Don’t judge.

Use magic words like: “Hmmmm?” and “I see.”

Just try it.

7. Love and Hugs 

Want to halt a fullblown family argument?  Stop trying to win and instead hug your child and/or say “I love you.”

Not only is it true, it gives everybody time to think.

Many of these ideas adapted for my family’s use from How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

I'd love to hear what works in your house!

When it's crucial and you know it, ACT like it!

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa...guilty guilty guilty! 

Ultimate sin
Wanting something, telling people you want it, perhaps even writing about wanting it...but never doing enough to make it happen.

My biggest desired improvement is in my fitness.  But I haven't been acting that way, and my fitness has gotten even worse.

Walking the talk with priorities
Prioritising is a crucial skill for a successful life.

I therefore pledge to make fitness my highest priority.

I will do my exercise first and other things afterward.

My fitness is more important than:

• the housework
• relaxing and reading a good book or the internet
• emails
• La Leche League (sorry, gals!)
• this blog (yah, already did my workout first)
• routine family duties

After this morning I have another addition - if I come back from exercise and the house is  messier because DH is handling everything on his own, that is worth it too.

Family and other emergencies
OK, that last one is a toughie - we all know there are things that we can't and don't want to avoid.  But most things are simply a distraction, and other things can be worked around with some imagination.

For example, it is lovely that my kids want to join me on my precious morning walks, but Miss 2 almost 3 can't keep up the pace I need and all my exercise time is taken up in a frustrating stroll.  (Mr almost 6 can outrun me without breaking into a sweat.  He's welcome to come along to set the pace.)

So this week when she wanted to come with me, I popped her into my Ergo pack and did one hill with her as a free weight - that was a great workout and she loved it!

What about other responsibilities?
The exciting truth - I have more energy to do things after I've exercised.

How about you? Are your important things getting the attention they deserve?

Even less housework

If the kitchen is king of housework, the laundry is the constant, nagging queen.   How do we keep our royal couple from getting too big for their britches?   Because although we do have a regular flow of laundry, we do escape the dreaded laundry mountains that I do hear tell...

Re-use! 
My kids are messy but not very smelly yet (with obvious exceptions).  If their meals missed their clothes and the bark from the park shook itself off, fold that darling little bundle back into a drawer to fight another day.  Yes, I can do this with some of my clothes too - using a few of my common senses. Absolutely, positively, put clothes for rewearing back with clean clothes because that's the point.  They're clean enough, and I don't want my furniture or floor wearing my clothes.  

• The clothes examination happens at the end of the day when the light is dim - every once in a while I discover my mistake in the morning light.  Oops!

Of course I don't do this with underwear or smelly clothes except for my exercise clothes.  My exercise routine is such that only I could possibly be bothered by them.  More on my minimal exercise routine later, and apologies if anyone finds this icky.  But I'm clean after my shower, I promise.

Drying?  (Hanging up, of course!)

Put it where the sun does shine!  Especially in winter, our yard surrounded by lovely trees gets very little sun.  If you should spot some sun, note also the small sad empty socket where the previous owners removed the clothesline.  (They left the trampoline, so why quibble?)  There's another sizeable frame line - underneath the deck, where only the feeblest of filtered rays venture.  So we started drying all clothes indoors one winter and just kept going.  We are as lucky with our indoor space as we are unlucky outdoors, and I don't have to take heavy baskets in and out.  I certainly don't miss the "peg it up, take it down, is it going to rain?" game I've lost countless times.

A plastic airer lives permanently in the dining room for the small and short clothes.  Uncool?  Very, as it has direct sun most of the day and the airer can be trundled to follow it if necessary.
You can see it in full use in this pic. 

While our table looks darned good here, I'm pleased to report that it isn't usually much worse than this, clutterwise.  (Stickiness?  That's another story.)  This is one successful example of "make it clear and keep it clear" and I enjoy having a clear table enough to chase off stragglers!  Like the kitchen zoning, I like being able to use it for dining without having to clear away everything else first.  Obviously the airer spoils the minimalist look, but so far no visitors have reacted visibly.  And I was heartened to glance up at a neighbour's east-facing window and spot another laundry airer basking in the beams.


Another funny little storage room houses our Victorian airer for the grownup clothes.  We bought this on special for about $90 from Early Settler and I don't care how you estimate your dryer costs, this baby has paid for itself long since.  (Unlike our other babies :-)  And one line strung by DH in the laundry room does well for sheets and towels that aren't needed urgently.  Those that are needed may end up over chairs on the deck on a day with any hint of sun.

We run laundry at bedtime: DH hangs them to dry - one of his many valuable contributions.  I (and my short team) put them away when dry. Most go on hangers (and some can go straight to the closet that way) and we don't need to use clothes pegs as it's not very gusty in the house.  I even try to load dry clothes into the basket roughly split into piles for their destination rooms.

We do have a dryer for emergencies, but almost never use it.  I last used it to try to shrink some comfy elastane trousers that are too big.  I have to try again, carefully.  Usually the advice is aimed at not shrinking clothes, so I'm fully experimental here.

Dressing direct
Like most people, we reuse the same favourite clothes in a cycle of a few days.  So they're often still drying when we look to wear them again.  It makes perfect sense to dress from these clothes, dry but still hanging about, instead of getting more clothes out of the closet to wear and also having to put the clothes we really wanted back in the closet (to be taken out again later...)

Try doing that when your laundry's hung outside!

I've read the opinion (might have been FlyLady, whom I do enjoy) that this is just not on.  Your laundry isn't done until it's put away.  That is true, but some things around our house just do not get done.  I accept that and I'm saving myself work, so I win!

Full but not fully full
When your drawers and closets have more than they can hold, you're making more work for yourself and often more laundry.  It's harder to put away laundry (especially if you're enlisting short help) and things can often fall out!  It's worth your time to sort for those clothes that are really doing their duty, and re-house the rest as appropriate.  Seasonal storage, donations, online auctions...

I'm very pleased!  Although I bought some gorgeous new clothes for my gorgeous growing girl, I immediately took unnecessary clothes out of the drawers to make room.  Also: spending more on girls than boys largely due to fashion - has this happened to you?

More (I mean less) housework

The best kitchen tip I ever adopted is this - zone your kitchen!  All the pros do it!
(I'm sorry I can't credit this idea due to my wide-ranging browsing style, but I thank whomever from the bottom of my heart.)

Kitchen zones
This means:  designate particular areas of the kitchen for particular tasks, and stick to it.

I only needed to designate two zones to make a huge difference!  (I also tidied for visitors and took the photo opportunity :-)

I'm giving you one rather difficult angled picture rather than several better ones, and I hope it works.

I chose the far left of sink surface to be food prep and the right to be cleanup in waiting.  (The size of each area is roughly equal in real life, unlike in the photo.)  Note that I had to choose the best compromise in my sadly imperfect kitchen....so you can too.

The bulk of my food prep is for the microwave.  (And the oven is across from the sink next to the fridge, with so little prep surface around it that it is unworthy of a photograph, phooey!)  I also have my cluster of kettle, food processor, and toaster, all ready to go.  And the pantry cupboard is just a turn around away.  But the dishwasher is under the food prep side and the cutlery and cookware drawers under cleanup.   OK, so with those problems, why even bother? I hear you ask.  Control freak, you mutter under your breath, but I hear that too.  No really, this is cool!

With these zones, I can start food prep at any time without having to clear away a stack of dirty dishes.  Any waiting dirty dishes not in the dishwasher are either soaking in the sink or stacked to the right.  Purists might argue that I should clean up before I start anyway, or not leave dirty dishes around in the first place, but I've failed for years to adhere to that, whereas this works pretty well.  Plus, with something prepped and cooking in microwave or wherever, that is the perfect time to multitask for a few minutes and load the dishwasher - whereas any time you must spend clearing beforehand is spent and gone.

• Having the dishwasher on the opposite side isn't so bad - the dishes travel via the sink for a rinse and then to the dishwasher anyway

But wait, there's more!  Food preparation mess is also contained in the one area.  Obviously, dirty dishes have their own stickiness, but this can't compare with food prep.  I like having a natural containment site for porridge glops, scatterings of broccoli floretettelets (you know, the little round tips of the broccoli that go everywhere when chopped) and cauliflower powder.  Before, I used to pick out wherever was clean and make it messy too :-)

A few microrules help even further.  Soaking is an important part of my routine - it saves water and effort.  I even reuse soaking water when I can, even if it gets gungy.  But I try to soak the breakfast bowls and other small items that collect during the day in the small sink only.  That leaves the big sink free so the tap can be used (filling the kettle, during food prep, etc) and in extremis, for the days when I am so rushed I don't get around to the breakfast dishes until after dinner, the dinner plates still have a place for their own quick soak and rinse right after dinner instead of balancing dangerously and ineffectively on bowl and saucer towers or having to wait until even later.

And don't forget the rinse and reuse.  Act now, and some dishes rinse off so clean it would be a crime not to reuse them.  I don't care, and the kids don't notice.  I have a small special stack for those, and DH knows he's to front up with his breakfast bowl.  Don't put these gems into the sink, for soon they will be swimming in gungy water and they will be dishwasher fodder.

You remember I said my stove and fridge area wasn't worth photographing?  Well, that's true.  But have a look at the shelves over that side of the kitchen... before...

and after....

Hooray for me!

So now share your best kitchen tips and tricks....

Minimalist around the house, or you be good to Mama, and she'll be good to you!

Above all else, the way to minimise your housework is....

...don't be the only sad sap in the house doing it.

Seriously.  The days when Mum dutifully dashed after everyone in the house who puddled piles of mess behind them are so over.  And about time.  Certainly, since my job is at home with the children, the bulk of the work falls to me.  But it will do no harm and the world of good for the other members of the house, so drag them away from the TV to do their share! 

They will learn

1. valuable skills that serve them in later life (that includes DH, by the way) - please don't raise tomorrow's useless flatmate or partner
2. how much effort it is to clean up and therefore gain some consciousness about making the mess
3. that it isn't respectful for everybody in the house to be relaxing while Mum keeps on going and going and going and going....

 Suggestions for real littlies to get them in the habit

• Setting and clearing the table - even tinies can carry an empty plastic cup or sauce bottle or some cutlery -  graduate them as appropriate.  They can even "wash" the table.
• Doing laundry - handing me dirty clothes to put in the tub, help pouring soap, pushing the start button on the machine, removing small dry things from low bars on an airer, putting clothes in the basket, handing me clothes from the basket to put in drawers or even putting clothes in drawers
• Cooking - I can have kids up on chairs while I do dangerous things like cutting, and they can put pieces in cookware and push some buttons on the microwave
• Tidying their own toys, putting things in the rubbish...

I seek and seize opportunities to show the family that everybody contributes.  Naturally, each individual chore would get done more quickly and better if I did it myself.  But that's not a winning longterm strategy for anybody, particularly me.  If I always have to do all of those individual chores, it adds up to more time than I want to spend.

Often kids will have lots of fun joining in.  And sometimes not.  Wait for a natural break in their other activities, and if necessary, use the resumption of that activity (or something else) as motivation to get the job done.  When there are major dramatics, I remind myself that I am not asking them to walk long distances to the river to beat clothes against rocks, or pump their own water from village wells and carry the bottles back strapped to their foreheads.  And I persist until I get some measure of cooperation.

You won't be surprised to hear that I don't believe in the tidy-up fairy - and that I don't want my kids to either.  (The untidy fairies?  Of course they exist!)  So even when I don't enjoy the mess, I try not to spend my precious after-kid-bedtime tidying up their toys if we haven't managed to do it earlier.  Past a certain age, it's counterproductive to let them experience making a playful mess, and then another, and then another, and then make that mess magically disappear without any of their participation.  

Husbands are even less likely to get excited about household chores.  But if we agree on even one helpful task that he doesn't hate to do, we''ll all be better off.  And many husbands, including my DH, will do quite a lot if asked politely.  And will do even more if yelled at, but it's better to save that for emergencies.

Next, I'll write about specific things I do to minimise different types of housework around our house.

How do you get your family involved in the house business?