6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps

Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.

 I breastfed our son, on cue, day and night, from the day after his birth.  (You can read about the unpleasantly exciting birth in my previous Carnival post.

From the start, I stopped everything and responded to his every cue for milk. At one stage, I figured out that he'd figured out that I stopped everything and responded to his every cue for milk. 

When he started signing for milk when he didn't want milk but just wanted me to stop everything, I had to laugh and learn to respond to that a bit differently.

With our son, I learned at La Leche League that breastfeeding is far and away, bar none, no contest, baby, the best and easiest way to ease a growing child's journey through our rough, tough world.

Recipe

1. Take one sad or mad child
2. Fold closely in mother's arms
3. Apply gently to breast
4. Hold until fully done 
5. Repeat as desired
   

Result

• A happier, calmer, more grownup child

Magic like that is worth holding onto.

Weaning process - Step 1: Nature's weaning

So it was all "milk and who cares about honey because hey, there's milk" for the first two years of our son's life.  My pregnancy with our daughter was his first real experience of weaning - he was a few months past two when he noticed:

1. There was less milk
2. It tasted funny
3. Mummy said, "Ouch, time to stop!"

Reportedly, many children fully wean during a pregnancy, but our son simply adapted to all the changes.  Long breastfeeding sessions were too painful for me, but two-year-olds don't have a great need to breastfeed for long either.  He accepted the limitations, learned some manners, and we both just kept on bonding.

Weaning process - Step 2: Night weaning

I knew that I would be too tired with one newborn to also respond to our son at night.  Our son did not like sleeping by himself in a separate room, and he was a frequent waker.  (I moved him from my room due to my hyperalertness from PTSD, and I still can't help wishing it could have been different.)

We had already reached the stage where the breastfeeding response at night was very brief. Now we began Daddy Duty - when our son awoke lonely at night, he was comforted to sleep again by Daddy instead of me.

While our son did not embrace the change with joy, at the age of two he was able to accept it - the level of distress was manageable between him and Daddy.

Weaning process - Step 3: Bedtime

I knew there could be times when the new baby would need me at bedtime.  While our son could go back to sleep during the night with Daddy, I still always breastfed him to sleep at bedtime. I needed to go off duty.

This was probably the roughest toughest weaning we did.  One evening, I breastfed him (now 2y 9m) and then went to visit my sister's house - and only came back when Daddy told me he was now asleep.  It was pretty late.

But I knew he had Daddy with him.  And I knew he was not 3 months old, or 6 months old, but not far off three years old, with years of my love and strength behind him, the communication skills to express his emotions, and the knowledge of other means of comfort.

This isn't to say I never responded to our son at night or fed him to sleep again because of his new sister. But now he and I both knew he could do this without me.

Weaning process - Step 4: New sister

I was again in the hospital for an emergency surgical birth of our second child, so our son had to do without me for a few days. It was brilliant having him visit in those early days of milk engorgement - a newborn hardly makes a dent but a 3 year old?  Bring it on!

Word of warning

It may be that our son broke my waters early because I did not insist that the bouncy boy be super careful with my pregnant body during morning feeding sessions. Undercooked babies are often extra hard work, and if there's any chance that this warning could help someone else, it will be worth it.

He generally understood the new rule of Baby Goes First: he still got to breastfeed but the baby needed milk more as that was her only food.

Sometimes I actually tandem fed - both at once - but it was physically uncomfortable to hold those positions.  And usually at least one of them was wiggly enough to make me nervous about going two directions at once. So normally, he just learned to wait his turn.

Weaning process - Step 5: Life

Age 3, age 4, age 5, still awaiting his short turn at the breast in the morning. Sometimes patiently. Often he would get a short nighttime feed on one side before I took his sister for the long feed to sleep. 

But there were sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's or with school friends. He didn't miss me when I wasn't there.

And then he would get up and be more interested in a joke book than whether he got his turn.

And not long after he turned 6, he often complained he couldn't get very much.  With his sister (3) feeding only a few times a day now, I'm sure the leftovers were pretty low.  I told him that it was because he didn't need it very much anymore. I mentioned how lucky he was, and that probably none of his friends had gotten milk for this long.

Soon after that, I asked him if he was OK with not having milk anymore.  No problem.

Was it hard for me to stop after all these years? Well, he was getting pretty big and developing a real big kid attitude.  It was always very quick and even starting to feel not quite right anymore. It really was time.

He has a couple of times wistfully said he wishes he could still have milk. He still loves to get lap time, whenever we can and especially when his sister is getting her short feeds.

Perfect.

Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):

(This list will be live amind updated by afternoon May 21 with all the carnival links.)

• On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.
• two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.
• Wean Me Gently — Tam at Please Send Parenting Books shares a beautiful weaning ceremony.
• You say potato, I say bleeeuuuuch... — Anelie at Mindcradle had read the books and knew just how to introduce her baby son to solids—unfortunately, he had other ideas.
• A Post Called Weaning — (Not) Maud at Awfully Chipper writes about how weaning her son took longer than she expected.
• On Weaning, Pregnancy and Emotion — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about her mixed emotions as she allows her son, Little Man, to guide her through his weaning process.
• half of her life — Staci at Springpatch Jam looks back on her nursing relationship with her first born.
• Is it just this After Forty Mom or is it harder to wean when its your last? — Amanda of After Forty Mom shares her emotional journey towards the impending self-weaning of her toddler daughter.
• Nursing Limits — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how she has weaned her toddler down to minimal nursing and her guilt about the decision to do so.
• Weaning Video Series #1: Preparation for the Weaning Process — Why is weaning such a taboo topic? Dionna at Code Name: Mama got mamas from across the blogosphere to start talking about weaning - on video. Come check out the first video in a series of five that she'll be posting this week.
• Weaning due to anxiety — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how she had to wean to preserve her mental health.
• When Will I Wean? A Guest Post — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama hosts a guest post from a mama who contemplates when her breastfeeding relationship will end.
• On His Own Terms — Momeeezen shares her heartbreak from when her son weaned much earlier than she anticipated.
• Our Weaning Story - Sudden, Surprised, and Embracing a New Season — Weaning doesn't always go how we imagine. That Mama Gretchen shares the story of her daughter's sudden weaning and how she has embraced this new season of motherhood.
• A Tale of Two Weanings — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the similarities and differences of how her nursing relationships with her now six-year-old and four-year-old daughters came to a close.
• She Doesn't Remember — Alicia at Lactation Narration finds that her 6 year old no longer remembers nursing, only one year after weaning.
• It's The End of the World As We Know It — A story about the end of a tandem nursing relationship on Never Mind The Rain: A toddler moves on to a new phase in her life before mom is fully ready.
• A Natural End To Our Breastfeeding Relationship — With two self-weaning children, Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots does not know when the end will come, but that it will be natural and without regrets.
• Child-Led weaning: It's Not Extreme; It's Biological — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children explains why child-led weaning is based on biology rather than social constraints.
• 6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps — Jess at miniMum shares how and why she let her first child stop when he was good and ready.

• Is This Weaning?: A Tandem Nursing Update — Sheila at A Living Family bares all her tandem nursing hopes and fears during what feels like the beginning of the end for her toddler nursing relationship.
• Memories of Weaning: Unique and Gentle — Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares her weaning experiences with her two sons, each one unique in how it happened and yet equally gentle in its approach.
• Weaning Aversion' — Gentle Mama Moon shares her experience of nursing and unplanned weaning due to pregnancy-induced 'feeding aversion'.
• Three Months Post-Mup: An Evolution of Thoughts On Weaning — cd at FidgetFace describes a brief look at her planned (but accelerated) weaning, as well as one mamma's evolution on weaning (and extended nursing)
• Weaning my Tandem Nursed Toddler — After tandem nursing for a year, Melissa at Permission to Live felt like weaning her older child would be impossible, but now she shares how gentle weaning worked for her 2 1/2 year old.
• Every Journey Begins with One Step — As Hannabert begins the weaning process, Hannah at Hannah and Horn's super power is diminishing.
• Reflections on Weaning - Love Changes Form — Amy from Presence Parenting (guest posting at Dulce de Leche) shares her experience and approach of embracing weaning as a continual process in parenting, not just breastfeeding.
• Weaning Gently: Three Special Ideas for Success — MudpieMama shares three ideas that help make weaning a gentle and special journey.
• Guest Post: Carnival of Weaning — Emily shares her first weaning experience and her hopes for her second nursling in a guest post on Farmer's Daughter.
• 12 Tips for Gentle Weaning — Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting describes the process of gentle weaning and gives specific tips to make weaning an organic, joyful ripening.
• Quiz: Should You Wean for Fertility Treatments? — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries talks about the key issues in the difficult decision to wean for infertility treatments.
• I thought about weaning... — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her story of how she thought about weaning several times, yet it still happened on its own timeline.
• Celebrating Weaning — Amy at Anktangle reflects on her thoughts and feelings about weaning, and she shares a quick tutorial for one of the ways she celebrated this transition with her son: through a story book with photographs!
• Naturally Weaning Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses the gradual path to weaning she has taken with her preschool-aged twins.
• Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes about knowing when your child is not ready to wean and taking their feelings into account in the process.
• Weaning, UnWeaning, and ReWeaning — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy discovers non-mutal weaning doesn't have to be the end. You can have a do-over.
• Prelude to weaning — Lauren at Hobo Mama talks about a tough tandem nursing period and what path she would like to encourage her older nursling to take.
• Demands of a Nursing Kind — Amy Willa at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares her conflicted feelings about nursing limits and explores different ways to achieve comfort, peace, and bodily integrity as a nursing mother.
• Breastfeeding: If there's one thing I know for sure... — Wendy at ABCs and Garden Peas explores the question: How do you know when it's time to wean?
• Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Two, Three? — Zoie at TouchstoneZ discusses going from 3 nurslings down to 1 and what might happen when her twins arrive.

Got Money? La Leche League International milks the cash cow

Mothers giving milk....?

La Leche League International has grown since 1956 from a group of seven mothers to a highly reputable worldwide organisation with unparalleled achievements in promoting breastfeeding as the normal and healthy way to feed babies - with almost all work done by volunteers.

However, as with many worthy organisations, funding is a constant struggle.

This recent press release announces their first baby steps into the world of big business: the licensing of the slogan "got breastmilk" to LLLI from the California Milk Processor Board.   Sales from branded merchandise will provide royalties to the CMPB as well as funds to LLLI.

I was a longterm LLLNZ member with real responsibilities... but an even longer term vegan.  I see my breastfeeding relationship with my children as a logical extension of my veganism in order to raise healthy vegan children.  Knowing that some of the membership fees have supported factory dairy farming is saddening and unacceptable.

Conflicts of interest
A breastfeeding organisation and a commercial milk manufacturing organisation are a very odd couple.

• Cow's milk manufacturers supply formula manufacturers in a clear commercial link.  If cow's milk were not so readily available, human milk banks would quickly reappear for those mothers truly in need.

• The cow's milk industry commits atrocities on mothers and babies as a matter of doing business.  These are mother and baby cows, but the sheer numbers of victims and their acute maltreatment makes the despised behaviour of Nestle look gentle in comparison. 

• The same commercialisation which often hinders the natural human breastfeeding relationship has resulted in a horror show for the same maternal relationship for innocent cows and their calves. 

LLLI's commercial deal with the CMPB implies a natural relationship between breastfeeding and drinking cow's milk that simply is not supported by evidence.

In exchange for market share, LLLI lends its hard-earned gravitas and worldwide reputation for being an evidence-based organisation with an unbiased concern for women's and children's health...to commercial cow's milk processors.  In the process, LLLI loses its freedom from commercial pressure - a unique resource scrupulously maintained for decades.

Dissent and the majority

LLLI made this decision despite strong and ongoing concerns voiced by a minority of their Leaders, perhaps including

• vegans
• many other LLL mothers who found that they must themselves stop drinking cow's milk to enjoy a healthy baby (free of eczema and or digestive pain)
• others who recognise the philosophical ironies or the commercial conflicts

One of the three highly-respected co-authors of the latest LLLI official breastfeeding handbook (The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding) is a vegan, as are other members of her family.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding clearly states that milk from other animals are "never necessary for humans".  This is in stark contrast to the message in the recent press release "cow's milk is the other best natural source of food for children" - if not strictly attributed to LLLI, so closely linked that few will notice the difference.

No conflict?

The international organisation have confirmed that they see no conflict of interest between LLL philosophy and cow's milk production.  They are there to help human mothers.

While LLL has never been associated with animal rights, they have never before been associated with animal exploiters.  Human and animal welfare are inextricably linked, and this issue is a prime example, not an exception.

Comments can be made directly via the Contact page for LLLI.

Yo-yo day success!

I've been quiet for longer than I meant to.  Sometimes life just gets so darned exciting that it's hard to sit down and write it all down.  But along with

1. surviving school holidays
2. editing the next issue of La Leche League New Zealand's magazine
3. attending the La Leche League New Zealand Conference (and hopefully getting the T-shirt)
4. organising the La Leche League New Zealand photo competition

 ...I have kept on minimising my life's burdens. 

Now you see it....
Today I got rid of a yo-yo before even posting about it - how good am I?

This little bouquet was a gift from DH's work when DS Alex was born.  

Hmmmm, I must have decluttered the photo, too.  Onward and upward!

It was a cunning blue arrangement of fabric flowers and rolled up baby washcloths and onesies.  I obviously  valued it because it was a true yo-yo - I can't count how many times I looked at it and then put it down again.  Until recently, I hadn't even removed all the baby items from the arrangement, and that meant that instead of using some of the onesies (like, 5 years ago when they would have fit), they are now in my gifting box!

But I have today passed the remains along to my favourite charity shop, and hopefully some crafty soul will breathe new life into it.

But wait, there's more!
I also donated the crossbars of a baby gym  - because I've lost faith that we are ever going to find the fabric part of it.  I mean, we lost a digital camera in that move, so I'm sure we could have lost a piece of fabric not much bigger than a pillowcase.   And those crossbars got used as weapons just once too often.

Minimising exercising....

Exciting news which has been getting in the way of this blog - I'm the new editor of the La Leche League New Zealand magazine!  (The only way this would be cooler is if it paid lots of money, but the cause is well worth my time.)  For those of you enjoying my blog regularly, thank you because I've felt creatively unblocked and who knows whether I'd have fronted up for scary new opportunities...

So I am minimising other things, like my Facebook checking and double-checking (to see if anything interesting has happened), and I have several blog idea posts brewing but as yet unwritten.  But one thing I'm making sure to get in these days is my exercise.

Evolution of exercise...
We'll skip the part where I used to fool my gym teacher regularly during running by faking a contact lens emergency.  She was fooled, right?  Or was she paid too little to care if I cheated myself out of improved physical health...?  I'll leave that question to the childcarers among us, of all income levels.
 
At university, I was up and down with exercise levels and fitness, but I never did anything organised.  With my first office job (and my spreading office chair bottom), I joined a gym because that's what you do when you have an income and want to get fit, right?  Plus, it gave me something to do with my evenings.  Sad to say, this was necessary.  And I worked out lots!

But the gym and the workouts were boring.  It must have done some good, but I continued to be very overweight throughout my gym period.  Changing my diet - 1, expensive gym membership, 0.  Although my exercise routine has evolved, I have always found an enjoyable cornerstone in walking.

• In this, I have obediently followed the cliche of turning into my mother, who is busy turning into my grandmother, a mighty lifelong walker indeed.  And I sincerely hope to visit the USA again before my grandmother turns into her mother, who is, of course, dead.  Hope this isn't too blunt - I need to be real about this so I remember how important it is.  We are a long-lived family (great-grandma was something like 94) but I don't want to push my luck.

Walking is reported as the most common exercise for successful longterm weight losers (for which I still qualify if imperfectly).  When I had reached quite a comfortable weight, I enjoyed rockclimbing and regular morning runs (both quite difficult to do when you're carrying too much extra). 

Post-baby: I walked lots - death marches with Alex in a pram around our local park (so he would spend at least some time asleep not physically attached to me).  This wound down, especially after Nadia was born, to not enough exercise at all due to exhaustion.  Very recently, with improved sleep, this has also improved to great long walks and even runs down to the beach, but never often enough!

I realised that the real challenge of the journey was the hill just outside our cul-de-sac.  The rest, while pleasant, was more of a meditative stroll (unless I really racewalked).  So I minimised again, and now perform the daily ritual of hauling ass up and down Hawera Hill a couple of times at my top speed (which is now running, except the steepest uphill bits.  It isn't a bad little workout before breakfast, while DH wrangles the kids through breakfast.  And I do it, rain or shine.  So far.

I love mornings
Studies often promote morning exercise as particularly effective.  And what I always loved about my morning dashes is that it's straight from my nightie into my workout clothes, then into the shower and cleaned up for the public.  What a timesaver - why clean up and dress once in the morning and then again after a later workout?

Reduced healthcare costs
Exactly when I started getting out every day, I delayed my regular fortnightly chiropractic visit for one more week - and have maintained that 50% improvement ever since.  This is a big deal, since I've been addicted to the great feeling of chiropractic care since a sudden crippling pain seized me more than a decade ago, and a series of practitioners have tried to wean me to less frequent visits in the past.  There is a combination of reasons for my problems, but there's also no way to deny it.  You can't just say "I must get some exercise",  YOU MUST GET SOME EXERCISE!

More minimalist exercise
What about a marathon?
Wow, running barefoot!
Hitting the trail...

So how am I a Minimalist Mum?

Enough already about getting rid of furniture and stuff. How can you actually be a minimalist about mum things? Well, even before I called myself one, I was doing lots of minimalist stuff for my mumhood.

1. Homebirth - right, this is a tough one, because I planned a homebirth all the way to 37.5 weeks and then had a major bells and whistles emergency c-section under general anaesthetic. And transfusions for the haemorrhage. And SCBU care for my wee Alex. And with that history, there was no way anybody was going to take me on for baby delivery #2 except for a team of obs. Delivery #2 - emergency c-section, this time while awake. So I actually had two maximally complicated births, but I didn't want it that way. And that just has to count for something.

2. Breastfeeding - mums, you can't go past this for being minimalist. I did pick up lots of equipment for expressing with Alex, but he never did take to the bottle. Breast is best, eh? I really wish we had a milk bank so I could have donated that milk instead of melting it down the drain when it was too old. I never expressed with Nadia and the gear has all gone to other mums (as part of the grand releasing effort). Most mums can bf with no special equipment at all (insert joke of your choice here). If you don't know everything you'd already like to know about BF, check out your local La Leche League, because they're the best mother's group around.

3. Cloth nappies - don't buy the Huggies hype - disposable nappies really do create an incredible mess. We always used some disposables for some situations, but for everyday use I eventually settled on Fuzzibunz, in two sizes, and both Alex and Nadia wore them. After than I passed them on to be thoroughly worn out on some other baby's bottom. Nadia pees in an overnight nappy every few days, but I know we avoided lots of landfill load by getting our cool modern cloth nappies. Check out the Nappy Network for lots of info. There are some good brands now that are genuinely one-size, and there's also some real advances in composting disposables - roll on the day that's available everywhere!

4. The Keeper - reusable menstrual cup. We're mums and not easily grossed out, right? :-) Anyway, once you get used to the idea and the hang of using it, this is SO convenient as well as being environmentally friendly. Goodbye, TSS!

5. Vegan diet - maybe more detail on this later, but both my kids and I eat a vegan diet, which is both cool and minimalist!

6. Slings and carriers - we do have a pram and we use it a reasonable amount now, but in the beginning both my bubs got carried around a lot on Mummy's chest, hip and back. Good exercise and great for snuggles. Slingbabies and they're on Facebook too. Now that Nadia's older, I'm carrying her in my Ergo backpack to go get Alex in the afternoons, and they're both walking back home with me on their own feet! The backpack stays on my back and I have both hands free to keep the kids safe.

7. TV - in my heart I'd love to be screen-free, but at the moment we stick with commercial free and our own DVDs - hooray for TV6!

Somebody stop me! Tell me about your mum stuff...