Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mom Enough - Breastfeeding and SEX!

Go Jamie!  You're well on your way...
That Time cover mother is just asking for it.

In fact, all mothers who breastfeed a child old enough to stand up and ask for it are just asking for it too - asking for someone to say that we must have creepy weird fetishy sexual feelings we're satisfying by letting our innocent child suck on our breasts.
For the record, just before he weaned, my son wouldn't even have needed the chair.
So tell me, how do you figure this goes?  Was I always sexually attracted to my child?  From day 1 as a 1.7kg newborn?  Is that why I was so keen to breastfeed? Yeah, baby!  What other reason could there be?

Or did my hots grow with my child? Perhaps I secretly fancied him at his first birthday. He was just about as cute as they come... Oops, the American Academy of Pediatrics approves feeding until a year or longer. Hmmm, they say "medical and neurodevelopmental advantages" - so bang goes that fetish theory so far.

He was a regular sweet talker by the age of 2 - was that when he became my favourite sex toy?  But wait, the WHO says I can feed him until 2 or longer - "it helps to space children, reduces the risk of ovarian cancer and breast cancer, increases family and national resources, is a secure way of feeding and is safe for the environment..."  What, nothing about sexual satisfaction?  Maybe I wasn't creepy mummy yet then either.

Maybe I started lusting after him at age 3, when Grandma took him for his first grownup haircut.  He really looked so much like a BIG BOY then, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more. Maybe that's why I just couldn't let him go and give up breastfeeding? Of course, some anthropologist seems to think "it's normal for our species."

Must have been that 4-year-old testosterone surge that made him physically irresistible.  Maybe I looked at my ever-keen but underserviced husband and thought "Sorry, honey, I know you've been waiting your turn and you thought you were young enough for me.  But there's new boy in town - and it's your son!" And got down and dirty and kept on breastfeeding. Of course, the world average weaning age may or may not be 4 years old.  Or older.  Or younger.

I know, I know, it was at 5. We all know how sexy a school uniform is - and I even took a picture of my new schoolboy in his so I could look at him when he wasn't even there. Just look at those skinny white legs and knobby knees in those navy shorts and socks. Who wouldn't want some of that, eh? Forget Tiger Mom, here comes Cougar Mom!  

I guess I was over him by 6, because we both agreed that it would be OK to stop. I just couldn't take his smartass attitude, and he was too addicted to computer games and Lego to care very much.  

Excuse me, I've gotta go turn my 4-year-old daughter into a lesbian.


Was it good for you?


  1. THANK YOU for posting this!!! I was in shock from every negative comment just this one photograph caused. I remember even having to go as so far to say "Well, a bottle looks like a penis, should we be concerned with bottle feeders after 1 year too?" Then I was told it's not an issue of breastfeeding a toddler, it's an issue of doing it in public where it's not acceptable to breast feed at all in the eyes of the American culture because our SO's might be upset. That upset me even further. I breastfeed my 17 month old in public without a cover, big deal. If someone gets their jollies by staring at my breasts while I'm feeding my child, that's on them & their freaky fetish--not mine! My husband KNOWS they are not 'his' breasts & never will be. It's my body & feeding our children is not me giving a 'show.' I will be tandem feeding my toddler & newborn come this September when I'm due & have no qualms about feeding them BOTH at the same time in public. *end rant* haha

  2. Thanks Kat!

    I remember mentioning that "shouldn't do it because partners might be upset that you're showing off THEIR breasts" argument to my DH, and getting a totally blank and confused look. So kind of others to be so concerned for him, huh?

    Best wishes for your tandem feeding journey.

  3. Awesome. <3 Good for you!! We ARE mom enough.
    The TIME cover didn't offend me *at all*. It even took me a minute to realize the sh*tstorm that would ensue, because it seemed totally normal and natural to me.
    My son is 3 1/2 and not showing any signs of wanting to stop (my daughter was done at 1 1/2 yrs, all on her own- a very independent self soother). My son is just a different person. He is sweet and compassionate and cautious and just *needs* the nurturing from me in a way that is different from the way his sister did. I have no concerns that he will develop slower or suffer any negative consequences from BFing or bedsharing. Quite the opposite, actually.

    I think that when one becomes a mom, it is imperative to tune out all the noise- from the rest of the world, from all knowing family members, and put the individual needs of your child first. Each child is different.
    I never thought of BFing as sexual. Makes you wonder what is going on in the minds of the crazies that look at something so natural and think *SEX* before they think *Nurturing and Love*.
    There is nothing selfish about mamma's nursing longer than the 1 year (or even 2 years). In fact, it is quite selfless.

    Get your mind out of the gutter people. If you see BFing as sexual, then you are decidedly the weirdo.
    <3 Awesome article.

    1. :-) If anything, the Time cover made me uncomfortable because I was always nervous when my kids breastfed standing up - they moved around enough that I didn't feel entirely safe with my nipple in their mouth.

      And her boy was balancing on a chair!

  4. I cannot see how anyone could look at a photo like that and see it as sexual. I have found more positive comments that negative commments from people when I have breastfed in public, but it is sad the media always hype it up to be something shocking when it natural.

    1. Samantha, like you I have had far more real life positive feedback, and see the strange hostile reactions from the greater online community to media representations of mothers they don't know.

  5. *snicker* Great response to that ignorant statement.

  6. Sooooooooooo funny. I love it. I tandem feed my 4 1/2 year old son and 2 1/2 year old daughter. I just don't get how they think i'm weird when their feeding there children milk designed for a calf. I love the bit about your husband. So funny.

    1. Hi Alison, thanks! Sounds like your kids have a great mom...

  7. My issue with it all is the fact that we KNOW women are able to switch "brains". We know that women can turn sex on and off in our brains just like men CAN'T. It takes a bunch of foreplay and teasing and lovin' up to get a woman into the right mood because it takes that long to switch from mommy brain to wife brain. And about 0.0002 seconds to switch back. We all know this, so how is BF all sexual? It's only the guys who see women only as their sex toys that really think this. They don't want to see women attached to children because that would mean that either a) women are more than sex toys to be tossed away when they are finished with them, or b) someone's a pedophile. If a woman also thinks this way, they have been brainwashed into accepting that crap.

    1. We've sadly come very far away from a natural view on many important things - thanks for your comment!

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